In a few weeks, I will be having surgery for a malignant tumor in my thyroid. The outcome is unknown, but the prognosis is excellent. The surgery has been delayed until the surgeon receives pulmonology and cardiac clearance. I have stenosis (shut closed) in a porcine tricuspid heart valve, placed twelve years ago.
I feel very positive about the outcome of the surgery and treatment, and believe that I will be so much healthier and stronger after I recover. Still, any cancer diagnosis is a frightening and emotional process. In the days after I received the diagnosis, I thought I could place this energy into my writings, especially my current novel project, Aquarius Rich; yet, I often find myself in a creative block these days, usually in the form of severe fatigue.
So instead, I am projecting all of the pain, uncertainty and fear, as well as my strength, hope, and the blessings of my circumstances into blog journals. This is the first entry, prior to the scheduling of surgery, and having completed the pre-op testing that was required.
May 29, 2012: No More Boring Weekends: Evidence of The Secret Working in My Life
I’m resting today and I decided to enjoy it. More than that, I find myself blessed that I can rest today, as masses return to their jobs, their routines,and their stresses after a long Holiday Weekend.
I spent the Memorial Day Weekend inside my home 98% of the time. I got out to the store.
Here was yet another Holiday Weekend that I would spend homebound, either uninvited or unable to attend the backyard and outdoor events that signal the beginning of summer. I become depressed, bored and anxious as these holidays begin.
Yet by the end of the weekend, I realized that I was quite tired from a fun and active weekend. I had visited with friends; I bowled a 237, lost at tennis, and ran drag races around the world with Wii; I joined conversations through social media; ate lots of ice cream, fresh pineapple, and sunburst tomatoes; I spent time talking with both of my kids long distance. When I wasn’t busy with friends and family, I lounged in my new chair, ran my bare toes through my thick shag rug while reading Biopiracy, the Plunder of Nature and Knowledge.
Vandana Shiva’s thesis on the natural rights of indigenous populations compares Columbus’ discoveries and the colonization of indigenous peoples with the 20th century plundering and colonization of biology and indigenous knowledge by Multinational Corporations. The European’s piracy was granted legal under the power of the Papal Bull of Donation, giving all “empty lands…discovered and yet to be discovered” to Europe and to be ruled by Christian Princes. The MNCs receive their power from 20th Century treaties such as GATT (General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade)and TRIPs (Trade Related Intellectual Property Rights). These acts along with patent laws grant them ownership of all “empty life”…discovered and yet to be discovered. I was researching the criminalization of the exchange of knowledge through The Economic Espionage Act of 1996 and the Patriot Act of 2001, to support the argument that government regulation and taxation of Cannabis will lead to corporate ownership of the Cannabis genome and control of the creative discovery and production.
When I read that 72 million Native Americans were reduced to two million in the name of creative discovery, my baseless fears of a lonely weekend seemed so very trivial and narcissistic.
As I mentioned above, I did get out to the store, mainly because I ran out of Ice Cream. That’s how much I like ice cream, besides the fact that it is one of the few things that I can eat right now. Plus it’s creamy and sweet and cold and feels good going down my throat, sliding past the malignant tumor that obstructs my throat and melting into the furnace that is my stomach. I bought two half gallons: German Chocolate Cake is my current binge; the other flavor was a “Seasonal Special” called Banana Cream Pie. The label said, Pieces of flakey pie crust in sweet creamy ice cream swirled with Banana Sauce. OMG! How wonderful life is when you have ice cream!
No more lonely, boring Holiday Weekends. I’m not saying that there won’t be lots of holidays when I will find myself home alone and no plans. I realized that I may sometimes be alone, but I have no reason to be lonely. I discovered that throughout the weekend, I will have celebrated and enjoyed the many blessings of my life. “The Secret” tells us to attract what we want in our life through our thoughts and actions, and those things will begin to appear. Begin looking for the evidence of their appearance, the author advises. The evidence of the blessings of friendship and love was too strong for me to ignore. I will no longer attract misery by expecting boredom and unhappiness.
-kmarie
